So the program itself wasn’t broken. I must have changed something in the build settings that messed it up because today I sat back down and hit “Run” to be rewarded with a crash, exactly as the Review guys experienced. I reverted my build settings back to a default state and changed the few that I knew needed changed. It ran. To be extra sure that everything was working I exported the archive and installed it Ad Hoc on my iPad, taking XCode out of the picture entirely. It ran just fine. Hopefully it get approved this time.